Breaking down why America hates Tom Brady and Gisele
If the Dems want to lose in 2020, Beto O’Rourke is the perfect candidate
With each Patriots win and seemingly inevitable Super Bowl showing comes the question: Why do people hate Tom Brady?
Even Brady, the greatest quarterback of all time, has acknowledged this mystery, and this past August shared some theories. Maybe if football were an Olympic sport, he told Boston outlets WEEI/NESN, the country would finally rally around him. Maybe if the Pats weren’t so dominant. Maybe fans of other teams — losers — just need a single person to blame.
“Most Americans … they don’t like me, and I can understand that,” he said.
Here’s another theory: Brady alone is smug enough. But since getting together with now-wife Gisele Bündchen in 2006 — while his maybe-ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan was two months pregnant with his child — the smugness has grown exponentially.
If Gwyneth Paltrow is our cultural watermark for Peak Smug, Brady and Bündchen are threats to her supremacy. In fact, they seem to be stealing from Paltrow’s playbook.
No. 1: Ignore having been born beautiful, as well as the privileges of fame. Insist that everything hard — divorce, childbirth, child-rearing — should come easy. Imply that you may not even be human.
Paltrow on “consciously uncoupling” from ex-husband Chris Martin: “He’s really like my brother; we’re very familial. It’s nice, it’s great.”
Bündchen on giving birth, drug-free, to first child Benjamin: “[It] wasn’t painful, not even a little bit … The second day I was walking, I was washing dishes, I was making pancakes in the kitchen.”
No. 2: Despite ungodly wealth, promote deprivation as the new aspiration.
Paltrow on her rarefied diet: “I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin.”
Brady on his: “I never feel like I’m missing out,” though he does not consume alcohol, bread, pasta, cereal, dairy, sugar, nightshade vegetables, strawberries, coffee or any salt other than Himalayan pink.
No. 3: Exhibit calm and unilateral control of what your small children will eat. Sophistication and an experimental palate are a bonus.
Paltrow on her son and daughter’s elevated tastes: They love their “visiting chef from Italy … and hand-rolled sushi lessons.”
Gisele on her nutritionally superior children: “We don’t really have a lot of sugar in our house. I let them try one [candy], but they really only had one bite and then they didn’t want it anymore.”
No. 4: Ignore emotional boundaries to which lesser beings adhere.
Paltrow on her second marriage and blended family: “We had … a very modern honeymoon. My new husband, and his children, my children, my ex-husband, our best family friends.”
Gisele on Moynahan’s son, John, her stepson: “To me, it’s not like, because somebody else delivered him, that’s not my child — I feel like it is, 100 percent.”
No. 5: Speak with authority you don’t have on health and wellness while shilling dubious diets, workouts and supplements.
On her lifestyle website, Goop, Paltrow sells $66 jade eggs that she tells women to stick up their vaginas “to increase vaginal muscle tone, hormonal balance and feminine energy in general.”
Brady’s TB12 Method website sells branded electrolytes — $15 for 50 milliliters — containing “72 trace minerals extracted from an inland sea to enhance hydration.”
Meanwhile, while other football players may suffer debilitating concussions, Brady claimed in a December radio interview that “my brain is wired for contact.”
Not only that, but Brady’s muscles are different, he claimed to ESPN Magazine .
“The moment another player’s helmet makes contact with my body, my muscles are pliable enough to absorb what’s happening instantly,” Brady said. “My brain is thinking only lengthen and soften and disperse before my body absorbs and disperses the impact evenly and I hit the ground.”
Finally, ignore any evidence that contradicts your carefully cultivated image.
Soon the public will forget that your brand was named the worst in pseudoscience by a British magazine (Goop, 2017) or that you were caught wrapped up in a burqa to disguise a trip to your plastic surgeon (Gisele, 2015) or even that you probably, surely, accidentally let Ben Affleck’s much younger mistress-nanny ride your private plane and wear every single one of your Super Bowl rings.
Regular people, after all, can’t remember everything. Related Video Gisele said Tom Brady was ‘gay to me’ back when he had a girlfriend Share this:
The post Breaking down why America hates Tom Brady and Gisele appeared first on Denny Boy’s Interesting Blog.
from Denny Boy’s Interesting Blog http://bit.ly/2Bh0YBB via Article Source
from Tumblr http://bit.ly/2HOOxT9
No comments:
Post a Comment